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Summertime , 2021
A Photograph by Audra May
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I started and completed this painting during the summer when my young son was sick with Covid. He was 21 months old and It was the first time he had ever been sick. I was tumbling with a myriad of conflicting emotions and I feel that is revealed through this painting. I felt deep and extreme guilt that he had gotten sick while simultaneously I felt immense joy that he was recovering quickly. I felt relief that he remained in good spirits but I began feeling grief for others who weren't so fortunate and how unfair everything seemed.
The joyful bright yellow background with vibrant blooms are my relief and happiness. While the messy drips of paint down the canvas are my sadness, anger, and guilt I felt that my most favorite person in the whole wide world was sick and I couldn't make it go away. The paint drips are also the grief I felt for others suffering in the world. I couldn't make that go away either. Humanity and especially motherhood are filled with such polarity. Happiness and grief, relief and sadness, all moving within us at the same time. We are messy and bright and sloppy and beautiful and so very nuanced. Sometimes suffering and celebrating in the same moments.
